I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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