They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
You made out with two different species that night
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
