I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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