so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
