Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
