wat bout pragnant strippers??
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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