One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
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