I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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