I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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