I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
