ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
