I'm passing your future prison.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
