i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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