We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
it was like having sex with a tree stump
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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