Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize