My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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