When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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