maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
It's just like the Real World with babies
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
