wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
