Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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