Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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