Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
