I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I would ride that face into the sunset
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
