I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
