new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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