Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
