That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Randomize
