apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize