i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
