Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
