The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
