College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
