Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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