saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
