Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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