i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
