I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize