Dude my mom stole all your condoms
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
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