okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
The power of my boobs compel you
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
