Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
