those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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