She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
