so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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