maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
