He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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