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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Randomize
