Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
