You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
