i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I look better un-naked...
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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