how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize