she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize