I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
