so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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