He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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