Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
