ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize