Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
