I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Randomize
