We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
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