If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
