she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
