He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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