wat bout pragnant strippers??
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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