I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
