did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
