Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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