Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
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