Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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