Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
