I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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